Jesus Pobre

My previous post introduced the term Riu-Rau. A Riu-Rau is a raising drying veranda or building, typified by a series of arches. Well, I suppose that it’s a grape drying building, really, since they become raisins only once they are dried. 😉 Anyway, today we were off with a couple of friends to see one.

We weren’t just off to see a Riu-Rau. This particular Riu-Rau is in Jesus Pobre, a small town relatively close by, and is used each Sunday for a farmers market. Markets are good [well, perhaps regular British markets aren’t so great] but farmers markets are even better. I think this one was actually being billed as an artisan market, which sounds even better – the power of marketing! 😀 Our friends picked us up and we set off in one car.

Riu-RauWe didn’t know quite where we were going but our driver knew the way to the town/village. We abandoned ship in the first field that was being used for parking and implemented our strategy for finding our way to the action at such events: following other people or, occasionally, backtrack people carrying bags. Sure enough, we soon found the Riu-Rau which gets pressed into use as a market hall, allegedly each Sunday. This building looked new but I imagine it had been given a wash and brush up. (The lump behind it is the Montgo, BTW.)

Farmers market 1Farmers market 2There were some stalls scattered around the outside of the Riu-Rau but from my point of view the most interesting stuff was inside under cover – this is where most of the food was. I was particularly taken by a charcuterie stall (OK, that’s French but I don’t know the Spanish equivalent term). Here were some splendid looking chorizo sausages and some particularly fine looking morcilla (black pudding/blood sausage). I couldn’t resist – I bought one. After all, a plateful of morcilla y habas [broad beans] would make a fine supper. There were some good looking alcachofas [globe artichokes] on a vegetable stall which we couldn’t resist, either.

Sitting after our purchases with a coffee, we bumped into a couple who we’d seen peering around our development the day before. We’d shown them around our little Spanish hacienda, amicable folks that we are. They’d actually wansted to be nearer teh action and had made an offer on a place in Jesus Pobre. (I hope we didn’t put them off.) They were another Scottish couple looking for an escape route from the Scottish climate. I’ve recently realized the disproportionate amount of Scots that we count amongst our circle of friends over here; discounting our immediate neighbours in England, who are not out here full time, we now know 12 people living in the valley full time, 7 of whom are Scots. Considering that there are about 10 times as many English as Scots (in our home island, I mean), that’s one helluva disproportionate amount of Scots. Our latest acquaintances would make it 9 out of 13. Scotland must be a great country to leave. 😀

Regrettably, Francine’s stomach seemed to object slightly to the richness of my farmers market morcilla so I don’t suppose I’ll be able to repeat that. Still, I have at least sampled it. (I thought it very good.)

Posted in 2016-02 Spain

February Orchids

On the Thursday after we arrived, our UK neighbours, who happen to be here in Spain at the same time, had booked into a locally organized walking tour of Jalón, principally to see the Riu Raus [raisin drying buildings, I believe – maybe more on that later]. What Francine and I were most interested in on their return, however, was their report of orchids in flower on part of the walk. We grabbed directions and set off.

_16C4775 Barlia robertiana_16C4780 Barlia robertianaThere’s a lot of rough ground in Spain but there were supposedly two orchids on some rough ground behind one of our favoured bars, just after a stations of the cross track. Without precision, there was a fair bit of ground to search but, sure enough, just off the main track Francine spotted two orchid spikes. They were big ones, too, so she spotted them from about 20 metres away. After confirming here suspicion in a book, Francine decided these were Giant Orchids (Barlia robertiana), with quite broad leaves. These two were quite different colours, too, one being very pale. Francine had seen one, her first, she thought, on a walk up a hill behind Senija a few years ago but, despite searching there again, had failed to find the suspect again. With a flowering season noted as January – May, we had perhaps been looking a little too late. So, these were a welcome find.

Spurred on by this discovery, we were keen to see how another of our previously visited orchid patches was faring. We set off up the Bernia, straining my neck looking beyond Italian design obstructions as we bounced and joggled our way round multiple hairpin bends. Finally, to my neck’s relief, we arrived.

_16C4788 Ophrys tenthredinifera_16C4795 Ophrys fuscaIt’s a tad exposed up at the top of the Bernia road but we were soon finding individuals of two species, the rather unattractively named Dull Ophrys (Ophrys fusca), which I’d describe as anything but dull with its strikingly dark lip, and the Sawfly Ophrys (Ophrys tenthredinifera). Because we were early in the flowering season, they seemed to be in good, photogenic condition.

_16C4806 Jonquils_16C4810 JonquilThere was another notable find up on the Bernia: masses of the tiniest little daffodil-like flowers we’d ever seen. These appear to be Jonquils (Narcissus jonquila). The stems were, I’d say, 6-8cms tall and the flower heads little more than 1.5 cms across. Quite charming.

_16C4785 Giant Orchid detailWe did try a wander around Las Salinas in Calpe, too. There wasn’t much moving but we did find one more Giant Orchid near the boardwalk overlooking the Flamingos. Here’s a bit of a close-up of the flower spike, to show a bit more detail.

I don’t think we were expecting to find orchids in full flower, though we had seen evidence of leaves before. A pleasant surprise.

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Posted in 2016-02 Spain

A Pain in the Neck

We’ve been here a few days, now. We arrived on Tuesday and, fo the first time in three attempts, we actually made it through the awful automated passport checking machines that Alicante airport has seen fit to install. Again, mercifully, we seemed to be the only recently arriving flight, otherwise the queues would have been a lot longer. As it is, we got through in about 15 minutes. [It felt like longer but probably wasn’t.]

After a very short wait at the Centauro desk, we got the keys to our rental car. On our last two visits we’ve been given a Skoda Fabia – a reasonable car but then, it’s German, in reality. 😉 This time. we’d been allocated a Lancia Ypsilon. Warning bells! I’ve previously made my feelings about Lancia known in Tabling a Modification. Depressingly, It seemed that I was about to drive one.

In another first, the car was actually in the correct parking bay. We did a quick tour of inspection and sat in. I found the controls I was likely to need – lights, wipers, indicators – and and stuck the key in the ignition. I turned it to fire the sucker up. [Apologies if this doesn’t work, I’ve never done a video in a blog before.] Check this out:

What was that? What on earth were those main dials doing? It’s almost mesmerising – you want to keep turning it off and back on again, just so you can keep watching those dials dance. Last time our Skoda Fabia had a blue warning light that didn’t constitute a warning, now we’ve got dancing dials. Such is Italian design.

Jelly-MouldOn the trip up the autopista, the car was OK, mostly. Our neighbours, who eventually caught us in their own car, christened this thing the jelly mould. I see their point. For those who won’t have seen a Lancia for many years [fortunate people], here it is.

I’ve been driving this car for a couple of days, now, and it has become clear that, once taken off the autopista onto ordinary roads, particularly onto relatively mountainous Spanish ordinary roads, that it becomes a complete pain in the neck. I’m tempted to say a dangerous pain in the neck. There follow a couple of examples. The photos are taken from my eye position in the driving seat.

View RightLet’s approach a right hand bend on a simulated relatively mountainous Spanish road. This is a genuine Spanish road but it’s on our development, which is on the side of a mountain, where I could stop in safety to enable a snap of what I’m talking about. The rear view mirror is very low and there is a solid piece of Italian artistry above it, just where sensible car designers would have put a windscreen, seamlessly blending in with the no less solid roof. As I think you can see, the driver’s view around the curve is almost completely obstructed. Car, cyclist, pedestrian? Who knows? [This wasn’t intended as a selfie, I hate selfies and I hate the very term. Just so we’re clear on that. Blame the rear-view mirror.]

View LeftNow let’s approach a left hand curve on my mountain route simulation. Here I am, once again stopped on our development. The left hand view is actually even worse. There is – I think you can just see the beginning of it through the windscreen – a road turning off to the left. Now it is the duty of the low, down-curved roofline and thick front pillar to combine and completely obscure the view. There’s about a hundred metres of straight road made utterly invisible. The 9th Panzer Division could be approaching down that road and you wouldn’t have a clue.

The net result, if the driver intends to avoid a fatal accident for very long, is an almost constant ducking, bobbing and weaving motion to see under and/or around these very effective obstructions.

One positive about the car is that it has very good road holding and cornering, as one might expect from a country where all cars and drivers are expected to emulate Ferraris and Lamborghinis. However, it is now the turn of the stiff suspension, the reason the road holding is effective, to kick in bouncing and shaking the driver’s already strained neck.  The neck rapidly becomes sore.

It’s all very tiring and, indeed, tiresome. I hate it!

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Posted in 2016-02 Spain

A Black Day

IMG_20160106_114402317 6th Jan AlteaWell, what can I say? Admittedly we have spent a Christmas in Spain before and that visit suffered mixed weather. This time, however, our first #Chrexit to our own Casa has been blessed with nothing but brilliant weather and mostly brilliant temperatures. Sadly, tomorrow we fly back to what will undoubtedly be a cold and very soggy UK. Soggy? Understatement! Parts of the UK, of course, are completely inundated having been battered by one Atlantic Storm after another, just days apart. In complete contrast, here’s our last day here seen from Altea looking towards Calpe.

IMG_20160106_132808747 Arroz NegroWandering up and down the front at Altea was pleasant enough but nothing grabbed by way of a lunch establishment so we returned to Calpe and the fishing harbour with its selection of fishy restaurants. We ate there yesterday and were impressed by the lady of the family beavering away in the kitchen. The family approach appealed to us so we headed straight back where Francine’s eyes were taken by Arroz Negro con Chiperones [black rice with baby squid]. It’s essentially a fishy, black paella. Here it is and very splendid it was, too. The lady of the family certainly knows what she’s doing.

Morcilla and HabasContinuing what was turning out to be a black theme, our evening meal was a favourite mixture of morcilla [Spanish black pudding] and habas [broad beans], helped by a little garlic, which seemed only fair. Francine even cooked it for me so I was off duty for my last evening in Spain. Delicious!

We’ve been inordinately lucky with the weather and the joy of escaping those dire, horribly commercial English Christmases is hard to overstate. I know we won’t always be so lucky but a #Chrexit to Spain will most certainly feature in our planning again.

Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

New Year Odo

One day, someone who shall remain nameless may stop inventing jobs around the house for the DIY team. I didn’t buy a holiday retreat to create more work, after all. Keep it minimalist, keep it simple – just live in it.

Despite best efforts, I’ve inevitably ended up with a minor collection of tools, fixings and tubes of goop. Naturally, I rarely possess precisely what is needed for the next job. Today we chatted up a friend close by to borrow a drill so I could install a new full length mirror. Doubtless, I’ll end up buying my own in the fullness of time.

My normally incorrect tools have hitherto been living in a large plastic storage bin, along with all my fixings and “things that might prove useful one day”. Everything gets mixed up and finding what I think I might have takes an age, especially if I haven’t actually got it. 😀 We popped out just before lunch to visit our local Chinese bazaar in the hope of finding something to improve our storage. A cheap plastic tool box seemed just the ticket; at least, I hoped it would be.

J15_3339 January OdoSince we were near the local stream and the sun was once again shining, albeit accompanied by a stiff breeze, I went armed with a camera to see if any pals were still in residence. I’d failed a few days earlier but this time, to my surprise and joy, I spotted an Odo flitting about in the sunshine but I immediately lost track of it. Francine joined in the search and spotted it sunbathing on the ground behind me. We’re sure there were at least two, possibly three. After stalking them for some time and swapping to a macro lens, I came away with a decent shot. I’m pretty sure these were Common Darters (Sympetrum striolatum).

Odos on 3rd January! Now, should I be calling these the earliest Odos I’ve ever seen, since this is the start of a new year, or are they the latest I’ve ever seen? I’m going with latest since they are certainly remnants from the closing season rather than newly emerged individuals in a new season. The year boundary is entirely artificial, after all.

Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

Jalón Dawn

Poor Francine has a cold. The cold is having a less than comfortable effect by making her ears react badly to changes of altitude. We took a trip around a few of our lesser known (to us) mountain roads today and, whilst the going up wasn’t so bad, descending back into the valley proved uncomfortable. Having discovered some attractive scenery, we’ll try it again once health is restored.

J15_3324 Jalon DawnThe other thing we’ll try when Francine is again fighting fit is set the alarm to get up before dawn and head for the coast. Our valley faces more or less east and a few sunrises have certainly been worthy of attention. Today’s was a case in point. Though we only witnessed it from our balcony and snapped it without any tripod or filter paraphernalia, this shot may give you a reasonable feel for some of the sights that have greeted us whilst supping a coffee. This is almost straight out of the camera with very little post-processing, save for a slight darkening of the brightest areas just above the horizon. A reverse grad filter might be useful here. 😉

At lunchtime we’ve been sitting on our balcony watching Martins zooming about in front of the houses. Martins? Wait a minute, don’t House Martins (Delichon urbica), one our familiar summer visitors in the UK, sensibly bugger off back to Africa in the winter? They don’t get stuck in the Iberian peninsular, do they? Consult the book.

There are several birds in the Martin family. Our most familiar is, indeed, the House Martin but I’ve also seen some Sand Martins (Riparia riparia) in the UK. Our modest swarm of Martins here was far too fast for me to stand a chance of snagging any on pixels, quite apart from being to the south with the sun behind them, but we did manage once or twice to catch a distinctive feature: a dark underside to their tails and vent area. These are certainly Crag Martins (Ptynoprogne upestris) and, lo, according to the book they are resident in Spain all year.

A new species to us and great to see but a damn shame I couldn’t get a picture. 😉

Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

Happy Non Event

There were two main attractions to spending Christmas and new Year in Spain.

The first, of course, was the potential for some decent weather. I must say that, for the first time, our weather expectations have been exceeded markedly. In stark contrast to the poor ol’ north of England and Scotland, our weather here since 15th December has been simply stunning. We have had quite literally just a few spots of rain but the skies have generally been clear and the temperatures have been in the low to mid twenties centigrade.

The second reason is that, whilst Christmas exists in Spain, it is much lower key. It has been so refreshing not to be constantly assaulted by those same irritating Christmas songs in every shop and the constant high-pressure reminders to spend because Satan Claus is around the corner – a corner that lasts between two and three months in the UK. It’s a good excuse for a feast with some friends but that’s about it. Christmas could actually become enjoyable again, here.

Goal achieved.

With Christmas mercifully behind us for another year, we approached New Year. This time we were being entertained by those we had ourselves entertained on Christmas Day. They live down in the valley on the opposite side of Jalón; a distance of about two miles. I jumped through a few mental hoops over driving down armed with a couple of bottles or walking down with a couple of bottles. The down is easy enough, it’s the back up our 1-in-3 hills at something past midnight after emptying said bottles that becomes daunting. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant enough evening requiring only a short-sleeved shirt and the thought of remaining sober enough to drive back was even less appealing, so walk we did.

Jalón was strangely quiet. One or two restaurants and bars were open but little was happening. I reminded myself, though, that it was only 7:00 PM and the Spanish have a reputation for not really starting their nightlife until about 10:00 PM. Things would probably kick off later.

We arrived at our friends and spent a very pleasant evening dining and drinking, then turning of the telly for a countdown and a few glimpses of fireworks. Difficult – the main countdown being an English one whereas we were an hour ahead, entering 2016 earlier. Paris had backed off fireworks due to the recent terror attack and Belgium had cancelled due to a perceived terror threat.  What a wonderful world we now live in. We saw Berlin firing off a few desultory sparklers, though, behind the Brandenburg Gate. [Maybe they couldn’t afford much given the flood of more than a million immigrants that they’ve been swamped by this year.] There was a recap of a part of Sydney’s usually spectacular display centred around their impressive harbour bridge.

We opened a door to listen for church bells peeling in Jalón, perhaps some revelry in the streets, the Spanish liking a good fiesta. Nothing, nada, nichts.

We didn’t stay up to watch what would doubtless have been an impressive London display. Our own gathering drew to a close and we were kindly offered a ride by other friends back to the bottom of our steps. We gladly accepted. During the brief journey, we saw not other sign of life whatsoever. We have spent New Year in Austria during our skiing days and the Austrians go nuts letting rockets off from their hands and throwing bangers under passing cars – those that still have tyres intact, that is, from discarded fizz bottles. In Spain, apparently absolutely nothing.

Here, New Year seemed to pass pretty much unnoticed. I was reasonably gobsmacked. Well it is just another night and an artificially created boundary.

Artificial or not, a healthy 2016 to you.

Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

Recovery Day

I’ve decided that Boxing Day no longer has any meaning in a modern context. It certainly has no meaning over here in Spain where it doesn’t exist. So, henceforth December 26th will be known as Recovery Day. And [sorry, English master], with six empty bottles, including two Cavas and a Port – well, the Stilton needed it – staring up at me accusatorially from the floor, I was looking forward to a considerable dose of recovery. The only fly in my recovery ointment was that we would need food for Sunday and the shops would be shut, Xmas now being dead and buried [HOORAH!] for another twelvemonth. So, a brief shopping trip was necessary. We dumped all the empty evidence in our basuras on the way and bought a couple of entrecots [sirloin steaks] – something easy for Sunday.

[Brief Spanish note, as much to myself as anyone: basura actually appears to mean waste or garbage (for the Amerispeak inclined) but our friends over here refer to the bins as basuras – maybe it’s a kind of shorthand. The full term for waste bins seems to be cubo de la basura.]

Cloudy day in JalonSunny-FeetRecovery Day was billed as being cloudy here – well, near here, anyway. We treated ourselves to some prawns and sat out on our naya basking in the sunshine that the clouds were bringing. Here’s my artist’s impression of our cloudy day, involving bare feet on terracotta tiles in a very pleasant 22C (shade temperature). I’ll take any amount of cloudy days such as this; they help recovery no end.

Enjoying the amazing run of Christmas weather in our Spanish valley is made somewhat bitter-sweet, though, as we continue to watch the devastating flooding in the north of England caused by storm after storm, first Desmond and now Eva. I’m really not convinced by the sagacity of the personalizing of such destructive forces; I suppose it helps to be able to refer to the storms as they line up one after another to wreak havoc but surely an impersonal letter would be more appropriate. You have only to look at the scenes of people being rescued as their lives are broken by a very impersonal Mother Nature. Neither does it now feel appropriate to refer to these weather events as extreme; they may hit different parts of the country each year – thankful for small mercies – but they now seem to occur somewhere every year. Rather than feeling extreme, that begins to feel normal.

In any event, my heart goes out to all those affected by storms D and E, or any other letter, come to that. I doubt we’ve seen the last of it yet – we aren’t even out of December. In theory, we’ve had only one week of winter so far, for Darwin’s sake.

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Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Friends were due to be joining us for Christmas dinner at about 3:00 PM. We spent the morning quaffing some fizz – I pushed the celebratory boat out: 1.50€ a bottle) – whilst doing some preparations, like making a salsa for some tortilla chips. With time on our hands, we then had a midday wander down our mountainside into Jalón to see if anywhere would be open to sell us a coffee.

It was eerily quiet. It is SO pleasant to have Christmas downplayed. There were a handful of locals wandering about but hardly any of us foreigners. I suspect that most expats were either at or en route to their chosen restaurant for a lazy Christmas lunch out. Most establishments were locked up but we found what is rapidly becoming my favourite cafe open with tables out in the sun. I ordered dos cafes con leche y dos Soberanos, just to keep our merriment levels up.

Time for a word about Spanish brandies. My taste buds had notified me that all was not well with my last batch of 103 bottles (that’s the brand, not the quantity) I had taken home. It tasted different – slightly odd. I read the bottle: 30% alcohol by volume. Arghh! The market leader in Spain is Soberano and I checked a bottle in a supermarket: 30% by volume. Yikes! What’s happening? It appears that a health drive is kicking in and that the Spanish have intentionally reduced the alcohol content of their brandies – some, anyway. Now, look, I don’t drink them to get rat-arsed but I do want them to taste decent when I have a sip. The 103, formerly my preferred brand, is now verging on the unpleasant. Soberano seems to have been less affected but it just doesn’t feel right, somehow. I have found another brand, Carlos III, which s 36% by volume and therefore somewhat better but, oh dear me, this is an unwelcome turn up for the books.

We finished our coffees and brandies and set off to wander back home, which is to say that we struggled, puffed and panted up the mountainside roads, some of which must approach gradients of 1 in 4.

Once I’d got my breath back, I turned the oven on and waited an eon for it to reach the indicated temperature of 150°C to begin cooking our medio cochinillo [half suckling pig] gently.  I chose to use just the lower element within the oven – seemed right to me since I didn’t think I wanted direct heat radiating down from the top element on top of piglet. Fortunately we had the foresight to arm ourselves with a Heston Blumenthal oven thermometer which confirmed my fears; the oven had only struggled up to a meagre 125°C. I wound the dial up further and popped piglet into the oven.

Medio CochinilloOur fellow diners arrived. Gin and tonics were in order. Mercifully, the Bombay Gin I’d bought was not suffering from a sever attack of Spanish health and was still 40% by volume. I kept checking the oven. Every time I did so, I was enveloped in a cloud of steam. Will someone please tell me how an electric oven containing nothing but a dry piglet contrives to billow steam every time I opened the door? I tried moving piglet up and down in the oven, together with Heston’s oven thermometer, and got a face full of steam every time. For the final 30 minutes, I wacked the temperature up to 250°C on the dial; it actually struggled up to 200°C. Piglet browned nicely. What piglet did not do, presumably due to his sauna, was crisp up. Bloody Spanish ovens! Here he or she is – I’m not good at sexing roasted/steamed piglets. It was very tasty but we’d have preferred a nice mouthful or two of crispy, light piglet skin.

I’m batting 33% now. My first attempt at a medio cochinillo was brilliant; the last two have both failed to crisp up. I must investigate.

I hope you all enjoyed your Xmas stuffing. 😉

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Posted in 2015 Feliz Navidad

I Name this …

From the outset, we’ve been referring to our little Spanish retreat as Casa Libélule. Whilst trying to remain reasonably minimalist, we’ve adorned it with a few suitably decorative items such as metal dragonflies screwed to the naya (a.k.a. balcony) walls. We have a splendid set of dragonfly bedecked drinks coasters which get, as you can imagine, considerable use. Less successful have been a pair of scatter cushions with a dragonfly motif; they are less successful because they are made of the most incredibly uncomfortably, rough hessian material.

[Aside. Scatter cushions of one of my pet dislikes. I can never comprehend the reason for their existence. Furniture designers usually attempt to shape their chairs, settees and the like such that they are comfortable to sit on. Then along comes decorative hausfrau and adorns said chairs, settees and the like with a plethora of scatter cushions – two is never enough. The scatter cushions do two things. Firstly, they take up all the space that was originally intended for your bum. Secondly, they ruin the originally comfortable profile of the back rest. Whilst it must be admitted that some of the more avant garde furniture designers fail miserably in the comfortable brief, scatter cushions are rarely, if ever, the answer. End of aside.]

Casa LibeluleMost of the houses in Spain seem to have names adorning their facades. Maybe it’s time and place but it doesn’t seem as trite as bolting Dunroamin, on a property in the UK. We’’ originally fancied a name fashioned out of a wrought iron but finding someone to make it was less than straightforward. Then we came across some modestly sized, very Spanish looking ceramic tile letters, the like of which we’ve seen used frequently. These were 1.25€ a pop with a modern-looking, colourful mosaic edging. Being both colourful and seemingly easier, we changed direction and went for it. I purchased a spirit level to get them aligned accurately and a tube of something that claimed to pega todos to fix them to the wall. Casa is christened; may Darwin bless her and all who drink in her. [It feels like a him, really.]

My evening was less successful.

When I was a mere student, possibly in 1971, I went to the cinema to see Death in Venice. So monumentally boring was it, that I got up and walked out. It has the honour of being the only film I have ever walked out of. It is a Visconti film which appears to feature a Dirk Bogarde character having completely improper feelings towards a teenage boy on a beach in Venice. This was probably a contentious topic in 1971 but that wasn’t why I got up and walked out, it was just so unutterably slow and tedious. Watching paint dry would have been scintillating by comparison.

It could well have had a partner in crime had I been to the cinema to watch the movie we sat through, occasionally snoring, this evening. With no TV for amusement, we had invested in a couple of DVDs to bring, one of which Francine was interested to watch. The movie in question seemed to have received critical acclaim and plaudits. It was Mr. Turner. This was supposedly about the life of the artist, Turner. At least, I think it was about the life of the artist Turner, though I was having desperate trouble discerning any storyline whatsoever. Francine nodded off for most of it. I stuck with it, still desperately attempting to find a storyline but continuing to fail. It wasn’t about his rise to fame, he already appeared to be famous, even though I thought no true artist achieved fame until after their death. It wasn’t about his paintings, though some were scattered around the sets occasionally. Nothing very exciting seemed to happen in his life and I found myself praying for his demise so I could stop desperately trying to discern a non-existent storyline. It was actually screened on our first Bay of Biscay trip out here, though mercifully we didn’t feel bright enough to watch it: mercifully because watching it then could well have resulted in cries of, “man overboard”. Eventually, Mr. Turner did croak and Francine could wake up to go to bed.

Actually, I’ve just remembered there is a third film that I would have walked out of, though walking out in this particular situation would’ve been fatal, and not only to myself, since I was 36,000 ft up in an Airbus A380 at the time. Lincoln was the couple of hours of stultifying tedium to which I refer. As it was, it helped me achieve the impossible aboard an aeroplane in a bucket-class seat – sleep.

So, if you are searching for a drug-free cure for insomnia, I commend Lincoln to you, though Death in Venice and Mr. Turner might also work.

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